Stuff My 'Puff Eats

Sorry! Nonsequiteur

2010-12-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

Rice Debris

2009-08-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

I was debating whether or not to post this video, thereby subjecting my readers to my gross cabinets and filthy kitchen. But it was too redonk: I had to do it.

Here's what's going down: I had a big-assed Dutch oven full of cooked rice, which we mostly used up on sushi bowl night. I was doing dishes, so this big guy had just been scraped out and was sitting on the counter, awaiting a soaking. The rest unfolded like so:

Linguine

2009-08-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

Linguine comes in handy when you're lazy and don't want to go out searching for ramen or udon or lo mein noodles at your local purveyor of Asian delights. It's kind of a Midwestern housewife move, I know, but it's hot as hell out, and mama needed some cold peanut sesame noodles with cuke and scallion, ya dig?

Oh no. What seems to be the trouble here? Linguine, you're looking a little rearranged...

Son of a beach! The 'Puff strikes again. I had seen him eyeing the cooling sauce and noodles before, shooed him away, and he'd retreated to a nearby windowsill. I figured he'd lost interest and I was home free. Plus, carbs are really more Harold's thing, and the 'Puff tends to go in more for oils and fats. But Pig-cat over here never looses interest. No job is too small!

Fur

2009-07-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

Warning: moderate feline violence depicted. If you are five, do not watch this.

I love the last part, where the 'Puff just looks up at me all outraged, like, are you just gonna stand there. I did in fact hit stop and break it up at that point...

Parsley

2009-07-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Ah, parsley. You served me well in the Israeli couscous salad I put you in the other day. Then you were going to hang out in some water for further use, but instead you met an untimely end at the chompers of the Ginger Brute Squad.

Soundtrack courtesy of Hot 97.

Tomato Sauce

2009-07-26T14:15:00.001-07:00

I'm usually a make-it-yourself kind of lady, but my parents moved recently, implored me to lighten their load in the pantry department, and the rest is history. It wasn't bad - not too sweet, with a nice oniony-salty taste. Everything was going great until I heard a familiar series of counter-soft-thud / chops-licking / rustling sounds, and then I knew things had taken a turn for the gross. In case the 'Puff needed to be further busted, check out his orange tomato 'stashe:

Le sigh.

p.s. That's not a giant, round booger in his sniffer - vet says it's a just a random weird growth thing. Said he'd never seen anything like it!

We are Back!

2009-07-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

Good people, please forgive me. Merger blog was a terrible idea. We are in a recession! Too much growth too fast! What was I thinking! As Jeri Blank would say, you gotta go with whatcha know... SO, SMPE is back for good.

Much has happened since we last had a rap session. The SMPE team bade a fond farewell to our spacious Harlem digs and are back in glorious Brooklyn, down one job, up one grad student.

As for the animal team members, Harold (pictured above, for those of you who might be rusty on your 'Puff trivia) has lost at least two pounds and sports a sleek new look accentuated by his hilariously bear-like walk. You'll see more on that later. Oh, and last night, the 'Puff actually crawled into a sink full of dishes to get to a spoon that still had a tiny bit tapenade on it. So for him, little has changed, just his surroundings.

Anyway, that's all for now. Please accept us back into your hearts and blog readers, follow us, comment, send in your hilarious animal food theft pix. Pleasure doing business.

We've Moved!

2009-02-15T00:03:00.001-08:00

That's right. Please visit us at this place. K thanx bai!

Wall

2009-02-09T08:33:00.000-08:00

This post features special animal guest star Lydia, trying to lick and eat a wall, awesomely submitted by tubby-house-pet-enthusiast BMWBeatz. Thanks, dude! Btdubs, every guest submission to SMPE keeps me one step away from posting the predictably horrifying "Harold Licks an Ashtray" video, so, my two or three readers, you should really thank him too...

Not Soup

2009-01-27T06:16:00.001-08:00

This one is from the archives, so I couldn't tell you what kind of soup we'd made (although I think that's kale on the table), but I do know that the 'Puff was totally sniffin' it, like, how cartoon animals sniff the foodz in cartoons from olden times. I think eventually we had to remove him from the situation. He does this with basically anything we cook. Just, you know, checkin' out the goods...

A Tortilla Chip

2009-01-19T11:07:00.000-08:00

This one is kind of comical, mainly because it features the 'Puff doing the deed, Harold reaping the benefits, and the 'Puff kind of passively resigning himself to the notion that he's the bitch now. Plus, you get to watch me intervening at the end, which was gross and not as entertaining as I'd hoped.

I also enjoyed watching an animal that hates strange noises of any kind reckon with the idea that crawling inside a bag of chips for delicious, forbidden snacking places him in quite the conundrum in that respect.

Nutritional Yeast

2009-01-16T19:09:00.000-08:00

Nutritional yeast, sometimes referred to in the vegan blogosphere as nooch, is a delicious dietary supplement nommed by vegans and vegetarians the world over for its high protein content and luscious bounty of B-complex vitamins. I like it on popcorn, as well as in faux mac n' cheese, homemade seitan, and really all manner of dairy substitute. Harold apparently also enjoys it:

Really? Nutritional yeast? You're really gonna hit that?

Are you sure you want that?

Oh... I see. So you do.

Almost a Root Vegetable Salad

2008-12-27T10:53:00.000-08:00

Hey Gang. Sorry I've been MIA lately - working two jobs, holiday meltdowns, three Christmases (the last of which is today), what have ya.

The good news is I've been able to parlay my stress into lots of delicious pity meals prepared by the BF. This, for example, was a salad of baby arugula, roasted sweet and red potatoes, and roasted beets, dressed with a homemade warm maple-fig dressing (not shown). It was delish. You know who else thought so? Yeah, shut up, you know:

The Camera

2008-12-15T19:36:00.000-08:00

I think I need to set this one up for you. Consider this your backstage pass, behind the scenes at SMPE HQ, where all the action is. So, sometimes I get a hunch that the 'Puff is going to eat something, and I kind of set it up. Not, like, The Hills level of staging, buuuuut, you know. So, when a piece of baby arugula went flying off the table and onto the floor, and the 'Puff started sniffin' around, I was fairly certain he was going to eat it, so I whipped out my camera and got accordingly situated. Well! Things took an animals-gone-wild turn that I'd truly never expected. Behold:

Also! Hey Sam, here is a special bonus shout-out for ya. Although this does not technically fall within the thematic scope of my blog, to which I try to strictly adhere, check out Harold and the 'Puff playing with their favorite toy. Amazingly, this did not end in a tragic beat-down:

? ? ?

2008-12-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

People, just because there's a new wino in town doesn't mean that the original 'Puff has calmed down in the least with regard to his quest for noms. Here he is licking a crumb of god-knows-what off our table. Actually, I think at some point here he's licking the bf's crackberry. Awesome. Oh, and in case you're wondering what the pink bottle is, it's this:

... which is what we've had to resort to on account of some major fraternal beat-downs.

Red, Red Wine, Part II

2008-12-13T09:36:00.000-08:00

What's sadder? That we left out the aforementioned burgled mason jarlet of wine, rather than putting it in the sink and washing it like normal people, or that Harold tried to get in there and lick it clean?

Please excuse the back-ass-wards lighting; I was too lazy to get up and reposition, or do much more than hit record.

Red, Red Wine

2008-12-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

Makes Harold feel so fine! Yeah, this tubby, drunken bear is at it again, hittin' the sauce on the sly. It's now official: red, white - he has no preference. I was unable to capture it via 'Puffvision, probably because it's become so commonplace that I don't even notice it anymore, but Harold's got a wine-drinkin' style all his own: he sticks his head in the glass, licks the inside edges a bunch, and then dives in for some proper dreenks. So gross dude...

Dinner

2008-11-23T19:14:00.000-08:00

Please note that the 'Puff has already eaten his din, hence the stylish pet-food-stained nose, and, like a good shelter cat, has decided that he should probably eat Harold's as well.

Cat Food, Plastic Shards

2008-11-10T17:43:00.001-08:00

You know what's neat? Frolicking in the park on a crisp, beautiful fall day, sipping coffee and collecting leaves with your BF for later use in arts and crafts, only to come home and find that your kitchen has been ravaged by the fucking Big n' Tall department. OMG you guys! What is wrong with these animals. To put this in context, this container is usually stored on top of our fridge, like so:

Meaning that one of the furbags had to scale our stove, counter, and half our spice collection in order to knock over their glorious bounty. You may also notice that they have been DUCT-TAPED CLOSED to prevent little choppers from getting in there for unauthorized snacking. We are a pair of idiots.

I have my suspicions about which bastard-cat did it. There's the (original) 'Puff, who has displayed some flying monkey-ish tendencies in the pursuit of foodz in the past (this is only entertaining for the first ten seconds):

... And then there's this fat bastard, who lingered at the scene of the crime:

Either way, gross. Thanks a lot, Big n' Tall department.

Yes They Did: Celebratory Catnip

2008-11-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

While SMPE is not in the business of endorsing political candidates, I must tell you, for purely anecdotal reasons, that the 'Puffs worked really hard on the Obama campaign. Whether organizing with the game-changing Naps for Obama ground team, designing "I'm an Obama Nommah," pet onesies, or donating at their local litterbox to the Poops for Change drive, these little dudes really gave it their all. So, when the news came down that their candidate would in fact be our next President, their celebratory bender was truly epic. In fact, the entire fair and balanced SMPE reporting team was swept away in a tide of jubilant substance abuse, from which we are only just emerging.

The video below captures only a fraction of the revelry. It should be explained that both party animals are caught on tape here, gratuitously licking catnip off their toys. It should be further
explained that Harold's favorite toy is an orange felt headband with a pumpkin top on it.

Tobacco

2008-11-09T08:03:00.000-08:00

Since times are tough, we've been tightening the old belt, and one of the many things cut from our budget is our beloved, delicious smokes. However when my sister, Whore Baroness vonMoneybags, came over, she graciously hooked a sister up with some loosies. Alas, they languished on the table for whole hours before the vice-loving 'puffs descended like tubby, wino vultures to nom on their newest poison of choice.

Check out this defiant bastard parkin' it next to the scene of the crime.

Happy 'Tocktober!

2008-10-29T13:34:00.002-07:00

Since it's the "tail end" of 'Tocktober over at Cute Overload, I thought I'd throw up a gratuitous Harold booty shot. Things have been slow and nom-free at SMPE HQ, so I'm afraid I don't have much else to offer at this time.

In related news, I've discovered that Harold is a total wino! Who lusts after the drop of room-temperature Sauv Blanc left to languish in the Bonne Maman jar that I use for drinkin' my hooch! Longest sentence ever! More booze news, as it unfolds, on our newest drunken bum (OMG I can't stop!).

Harold's Foodz

2008-10-16T05:55:00.000-07:00

And, Sweet Jesus on a Waffle Cone Christ, we are back! The 'Puff wasted no time regaining his appetite after his recent veterinary attention.

So, apparently on a recent 4-am Fatty Adventure* some cat food fell between the fridge and the counter. Although we've swept, mopped, vacuumed, and even deployed my freakishly small arms to weasel in there and pick things up, the 'Puff remains unconvinced that there's nothing for him to nom on back there. Even the old chair barricade failed to come between him and the prospect of foodz:

*Now that there are two fatties, they've taken to climbing on things, breaking other things, and chewing on other things, in tandem, between 4 and 6 in the morn. It's called a Fatty Adventure.

Nothing After Midnight

2008-10-13T12:47:00.001-07:00

Omfg you guys, sorry to be a Debbie Downer-pants, but this sad sack over here is getting his choppers cleaned, and probably a few removed (!!!), as well as some majorly gross ear procedure, so please send the 'Puff some good veterinary vibes today! I will be showering him with treats and coconut milk (his new favorite beverage) when he comes back from the vet this evening. Anyway, in the meantime, here he is earlier this morning, trying to make me feel bad because we couldn't feed him after midnight prior to getting anesthesia. Sooo hongry! So keep your paws crossed for the 'Puff, k?

Not Harold's Foodz

2008-10-10T06:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a real slow month at SMPE HQ, what with the Seven Plagues of Gross having been most heinously visited upon us. The tiny, vampiric vermin are still a problem, plus Harold brutally stabbed our air mattress, forcing us onto the couch, which sucks something awful. Also, the 'Puff is sick with something gross which I won't even go into, for which he requires liver-flavored "antibiotic paste." I love how you're supposed to stick a syringe in the sick 'puff's mouth and force it in there according to the instructions. Our pig-cat eats it off a spoon! He will take what he can get, people. Anyway, the above 'Puff-vision features a recently vacated drawer where we've been storing Harold's noms. The 'Puff is of course quite taken with them, as you can see by his sad, futile leeckings. There's also a nice pimp-slap delivered by Harold here.

Also, check out these mammal-loaves doing what they do all day:

Anypoop, please accept my apologies for the spotty, lackluster posts. When we get our lives back, animal hijinks will resume!

Almost the New Guy

2008-10-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

Well, a few weeks have passed, and the dudes are definitely bros, but the 'Puff has really stepped up to the plate and emerged as the total bastard of the situation. Check out this playful, festive brawl, which includes some fraternal nommings:

Introducing...

2008-09-25T05:57:00.000-07:00

This week on CultWifeNumeroUno's Wild Goddamn Animal Kingdom, the fragile ecosystem of our apartment is threatened by an onslaught of tiny creatures that live in your bed, bite your ass, and drink your blood. That's right people, we got bedbugs! Oh and thanks a lot, a-holes, it's not because we're gross slobs who live in filth, but because we've traveled a bunch this summer, subsequently retained the services of various pet-sitters, and live in an old-assed building on the isle of Manhattan - the last reason being the most likely and infuriating culprit.

Anyway, after two visits from the exterminator and the systematic cleaning and disinfecting of everything we own, we're hoping this is a thing of the past, but these shits are serious about eating you so who knows. Fortunately, the 'Puff, like all fur-covered creatures, is of no interest to these diminutive predators. Nope, just warm delicious human flesh for them. However, there's been something else preoccupying the Little Dude these days, something that's put him in such a state that nothing else really piques his interest - not olive oil, not corn, not even moo milk. It's... his new animal roommate! The people have spoken, and as luck would have it, a friend leaving the country was looking for a permanent home for his anipal. Behold:

His name is Harold, but I've decided that his nickname will be Chucky or possibly Ginger Bear.

So please everyone give Harold a big SMPE welcome! So far he's a bazillion times more normal and low-maintenance than the 'Puff, and has not once tried to get into our people foodz, so he may only be a peripheral figure in this crazy game called Get Off My Dinner. But, who knows, maybe the 'Puff will be a corrupting influence who teaches him such moves as the paw dip, the head dunk, the stealth attack, and the old garbage can b&e. Only time will tell. Oh and, incredibly, he dwarfs the 'Puff in size - he's a 17-pounder!

Btdubs, he's in his carrier because we had to keep the dudes out of harm's way when the exterminator came. See? We did it to the 'Puff too:

Sexy Update:

Peep these new pix of Harold:

Almost a Blueberry Scone

2008-09-05T05:20:00.000-07:00

You cannot even make this shit up. This is seriously what he does every time you get up from the kitchen table...

So Much Crazy (/Awesome)

2008-09-03T05:58:00.000-07:00

Um, so my awesome friends went on a jaunt to the country over the weekend, and whilst vacationing they chanced upon a library book sale. I know from experience that such sales will often yield some magnificent finds, and clearly this one was no different. Please feast your eyes on this insane "cat cookbook":

Penned by one Carol Logan in 1981, it was apparently read by at least one other person, and is filled with delightfully insane pretend cat recipes, all written in lovely cookbook prose. My personal favorite is the "Canary Cheese Chowder." I totally LOL-ed when I saw those kittens all like, yo moms where's my lunch at?

Thanks, Kindling and DMP! And of course, a big thank you to Chef Whiskers! He doesn't speak English, but I'm sure the 'Puff thanks you too...

Btdubs, the offices of Stuff My 'Puff Eats will be closed due to beach-going from September 8th to September 12th. Unless the bastard-cat really pulls out all the stops in the next few days, you probably won't hear any shenanigans out of us until then. Happy Back to School!

Tomato Spinach Chickpea Curry, Brown Basmati Rice

2008-08-28T06:25:00.000-07:00

I love curries of every stripe more than possibly anything else. Sweet, spicy, coconut, red, green, whatevs, I love you all. This one was made with two types of curry (West Indian-style and "medium spicy" Indian-style), cumin, coriander, cinnamon, cloves, cardamom, and asafoetida. Apparently I'm not the only curry enthusiast in this household. The curry in question is pictured on the counter to the left. That bastard-cat jumped up on the counter, poked through the tin foil, and dove in. I guess this picture's not super-explanatory, but if you look closely you'll see some 'Puff tongue in action, trying to conceal the evidence of curry marauding. You are so busted, 'Puff!

Fennel Greens, Part II

2008-08-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

The footage you are about to see may appear at odds with the disclaimer to the right. That's because it kind of is. However, I'd like to offer a sub-disclaimer, and the assurance that I've conducted some exhaustive research, and have basically come to the conclusion that fennel, aka Foeniculum vulgare, is totally safe for anipals to eat. It is even, apparently, used to treat dog flatulence. Oh, how much can you not wait for us to get a dog? The inappropriate blogging opportunities will grow exponentially!

Almost Earth Balance

2008-08-23T09:03:00.001-07:00

Dear 'Puff,

Thank you for brushing your big furry butt all over those freshly-washed dishes. I enjoy washing dishes, and this will give me an opportunity to wash them a second time, so thanks for that. Regarding your inquiry into whether or not you can has a tub of Earth Balance, I regret to inform you that I will be unable to accommodate you at this time. You see, I was using the Earth Balance to make coffee-flavored shortbread* for the BF, and furthermore, you are an animal. I don't think it was Mother Nature's intent for you to evolve into a needy, husky vegan-butter-licker. Thank you, however, for your interest. If you could kindly return to the floor, I would much appreciate it.

Kind Regards,

Me

*That's right. They came out awesomely tasty, by the way. Coffee + shortbread cookies = excellent noms. The recipe is from this cookbook.

This is So Gross

2008-08-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, so bear with me on this one. You know when you cook a pot of rice, and like, maybe a blobby of the rice falls out of the pot, sticks to the stovetop and gets all stale and gross? Oh yes that's right. We've got a stale-rice-blobby-eater on our hands, people. This bastard-cat has been harassing me for his din, which he usually gets around six or seven, for the past HOUR. One of his favorite tactics is to make me feel all guilty and neglectful by licking the floor, or nomming on anything remotely edible to be found in the kitchen. Bleh.

Corn, Part III

2008-08-18T05:07:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present 'Puffvision:

This is going to look kind of crappy and amateurish, but whatevs. Now you'll see for yourselves the redonkulous audacity displayed by the 'Puff. Spoiler alert: my digital camera can hold a whopping 50 seconds of 'Puffvision, so it cuts off at a pretty inopportune moment, but you can probably guess how it ends. And yes, that's right, we are sitting in front of the TV, nomming while watching Iron Chef America. Judge as you will.

Corn, Part II

2008-08-13T15:52:00.001-07:00

I definitely feel like I'm becoming one of those douchey Brooklyn parents, the ones that dole out half-assed scoldings in the general direction of their entitled toddlers: "Elijah! Don't hit strangers!" or "Lulu! We talked about not screaming all the time..." They don't really care if their kid knocks it the hell off, 'cause their kid is adorable and a genius and also the exception to every basic principle of child-rearing and manners-having. It's just like a perfunctory thing they do when they're in public at this point. Anyway, I kind of feel that way with the 'Puff, like, "Stinkpuff! Stop licking the butter off my corn!" To be fair, as the quality of this picture suggests, he is a quick-moving monster.

Falafel Night Carnage

2008-08-01T21:44:00.001-07:00

When times get lean, we get creative. I dug around in our seemingly bare pantry and found some boxed falafel mix, and, inspired by the loveable antics of vegan addict, decided to make my own pita from scratch. I used this recipe, and it was easy and awesome. We had some homemade Caesar salad dressing and tahini kicking around the fridge, to which I added a whole mess o' garlic and lemon. Plus, I had just scored some beautiful cukes grown in the suburban garden of one of my colleagues, so we were in business.

Aren't they cute? If you're ever forced to entertain a child for two hours, I would definitely recommend making these with them.

You actually only bake them for three to five minutes, until they puff up. Apparently, the best way to do it is on a pizza stone or, if you're like me and couldn't find your pizza stone, flipped-over cookie sheets.

Here they are nakey.

And here's the finished product.

You're probably thinking, where's the carnage? Falafel night looks pretty carnage-free. Well, I wasn't able to document any of it! But I will say that the 'Puff eated a little bit of every component of falafel night. He nommed up some falafel that fell on the floor, leecked some flour, and even eated some cucumber, which I'm pretty sure he just did to be a bastard-cat-pig. Anyway, so I guess this doesn't technically qualify as post-worthy, but I was just impressed by the scope of his nommings and thought I'd throw in some gratuitous food porn. Here, as a consolation, is the aftermath: nappin' it out.

Dried Catnip

2008-07-30T20:37:00.001-07:00

Papagayo correctly predicted that fresh catnip would only serve as a gateway drug, and sure enough, the 'Puff has turned to harder shit. The above-pictured ratty object is a pet toy stuffed with dried catnip, and he's been hittin' it hard! Will you please look at this strung out bum, clutching his paraphernalia, living on my floor:

And here he is practicing for one of those "drugs transform you into a haggard, balding a fuck-up who lives with your parents" public service announcements:

Corn

2008-07-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of "unscripted" nature shows, and specifically in honor of Shark Week, I present the 'Puff and Corn, playing a little game of Shark and Whale Carcass:

... and then we took it way. He would seriously eat the whole thing if we didn't.

Yellow Zucchini

2008-07-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

Grillmaster BF is responsible for the above-pictured deliciousness, which he threw together while I was out at class. Eggplant and bebeh zucchini from our friendly local farmer's market were slapped on the grill with some olive oil and bread. Add some Annie's Goddess Dressing and crispy shallots and that, my friends, is one glorious sammy:

Meanwhile, the 'Puff was a hatching a plot. I didn't know he felt this strongly about vegetables, but he actually jumped up onto the stove, rolled up on the grill, which was still warm, and made off with a zuke in his chompers. Then he swung it around, trying to break its neck nature-show-predator-style. It was hot, so he couldn't swallow it whole as he maybe would have liked, and I was able to wrestle it free from certain death by his choppers.

Here he is in full-on nom mode... Doesn't he kind of look like a Transformer?

And here's the ruh-roh! moment...

And here he's bored already, perhaps aware that he will no longer be permitted to nom on a zuke, but that his hoomin will continue to exploit the photo op regardless.

Garbage, Part III

2008-07-19T12:20:00.001-07:00

You can learn a lot about people from going through their garbage. Other than our passion for haircare, citrus and prescription drugs, you may also notice that our kitchen has been terrorized by a fucking MINI CHUPACABRA.

Many Waters

2008-07-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

This occurs about once a day in our household, usually hitting the BF's bedside table water particularly hard. Fortunately, the 'Puff has been with us for almost two years and has not yet developed a taste for red wine. This is one of those times where I suppose we should stop him from this gross and frequent habit, but it is so cute! Who can say no to forbidden glurpings? How far down will he squeesh his head? Nobody knows!

Fronch Toast

2008-07-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

People often ask me "how do you make ___ vegan?" Well, thanks to the internets and a handful of awesome cookbooks, I usually have the answer. So, after a drunken, tie-dyed, nudity-filled, Coors-Light-soaked freakout weekend in the LOLCatskills, where a bud made some num nums French toast, I had me a hankerin'. When I awoke this morning at a respectable two in the afternoon, I got down to business.

French toast can be veganized with the help of one of my favoritest flours, besan, or chickpea flour. It is used in Indian cooking to make pakora, among other things, and it tastes like ass raw, but imparts a savory, egg-y flavor on all it touches when cooked. Take a sliced, super-stale baguette, and some besan mixed in with cornstarch and soymilk, you get an uncannily French-toasty concoction. Anyway, the 'Puff saw that there were foodz being bandied about, and he wanted in on the action. I was impressed by his desperation - a stale baguette, Little Dude? Really? You want that?

... and the finished product, mostly unscathed by the 'Puff.

Soy Ice Cream

2008-06-28T19:01:00.000-07:00

Another day, another soy ice cream lid licked clean by the 'Puff.

Olive Oil, Part II

2008-06-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Having a weeknight din party can lead to some comical high jinks in the kitchen. I'm usually rushing around like an idiot, trying to throw everything together at the last minute, and the 'Puff is right behind me. This is game time for him: a morsel of foodz could fall on the floor at any second, and he needs to be on the scene to nom it up before I can stop him. Also he likes to meow a lot, to remind me that he's there, and hungry.

Invariably, the more I rush, the more I spill shit. First to fall to the floor are some cannellini beans. Score! The 'Puff makes his move, but only gets to eat one before I diligently pick up the rest. Truth be told, people, this is a "from the archives" picture that approximates what went down:

Then, tragedy rocks the sleepy town of Puffville. I'm pouring olive oil into a tablespoon (yes, I'm anal, I measure everything), while my cool new ankle accessory is meowing and throwing his weight against my legs to remind me he's there. Well, mission accomplished, bastard-cat. I'm so distracted by Little Dude's carryings-on that I look down at him to see what the hell he's doing, and so does my tablespoon. Olive oil spills out ALL OVER the 'Puff! A huge patch of the stuff sinks into his furs, covering much of his back. This is truly a bittersweet moment. The stinker loves olive oil, but not here, not like this. He commences with cleanup lickies, but the job is too big even for him. I was too stressed out to adequately document this part, but I lent a hand with some paper towels and a detangling comb. For once, Stinkpuff appreciated the grooming assistance.

Please note the olive-oily full-body fauxhawk he's sporting.

Update: I thought these fuckers were known for their skill in the art of shedding everywhere. There is STILL olive oil on his furs! Any seasoned cat parents out there want to advise me in olive oil removal? I'm not warshing him, as I had to bathe him just last week resulting from a separate incident, and that was quite enough 'puff-bathing for me, thank you very much. More on that later.

Tater Tots

2008-06-19T05:19:00.000-07:00

This one was totally my fault. It's early in the mornin', caffeine has not yet entered my system, and I left last night's leftover 'tots unattended for an entire minute. Eeediot! It's funny, too, because I was just complaining about how well-behaved the 'Puff has been lately. I never learn, man. The bastard-cat totally jumped up on the table, made off with a tot in his choppers, and hunkered down on the floor to sufficiently butcher it. Behold:

and after I extracted most of it from the viselike grip of his craw...

After this, it was like the beast within was unleashed. He wanted to eat everything!

Anyway, sorry for the blurry, shitty 'Puff documentation... it's early!

The Dunkin Donuts Product Family

2008-06-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

Making iced coffee is a pain in the hiney. I mean, I think it's pretty apparent that cold brewing is where it's at, but who has time for that schnitzel on a weekday morning? The BF came up with the ingenius idea of slinging some room-temperature coffee around in a cocktail shaker full of ice, which works weirdly well, but sometimes even that can be too much to muster in the a.m. And I know this makes me a weirdo, but I don't really go in for the French pressin'. Anyway, lately it's been a tad on the, eh, balmy side in here in New York, so the BF and I have kind of been forced to patronize the Dunkin Donuts around the corner from us for our chilled caffeine fix. Being from the Northeastern United States, I have a deep suburban reverence for the Dunk, and was totally psyched when non-disgusting branches of the franchise started sprouting up all over our fair city.

Anyway, after one such morning of going out and procuring two huge iced coffees and giant, cake-like bagels, the 'Puff got wind of some breakfast going down. Here he assumes his "where's mah breakfast, beetch?" stance while catching some whiffs:

Shortly after this pic was taken, this happened:

Table-lickings are a major pastime in our household. It keeps our kitchen either incredibly clean, or incredibly dirty, depending on your stance on companion animal drool. I'm sure you can guess what mine is!

Not Garbage

2008-06-10T04:56:00.001-07:00

Pictured above is our 'Puff-proofed kitchen setup, which is how our kitchen looks most of the time, and the 'Puff sulking in front of his favorite forbidden snacking spot. Access denied! Even the pom-pom toy I threw in his direction could not lift his downtrodden spirits. No garbages for you!

Tortilla Chips

2008-06-04T18:54:00.000-07:00

This whole never-being-home-ever thing has resulted in my fighting off a cold for a whole pathetic month now, so I finally said uncle and left work early to go see the doc. On my way home to the sweet lovin' arms of the couch and DVR, I was seized by a major snack attack. It may seem crazy and improbable but, dear reader, I am not a big snacker. I think because the BF and I cook so much, it's just never occured to me to buy a grocery item that's not part of a recipe, or a condiment, of which one can never have too many. Anyway, here's what happened after I parked it in front of the tube, minding my own, trying to get my snack on and watch Work Out in peace:

At last!! The 'Puff's classic paw-dippin' move has been captured on film! Whoo doggie! I felt very accomplished about this.

I swear, this stinker has the reflexes of a... cat! You can't really see it here, but he's paw-dippin' once again.

And here he goes in for the kill with an all-out head-dunk, a maneuver he's perpetrated before (see "Mashed Potatoes").

Fresh Catnip

2008-05-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

The 'Puff's Auntie came over the other day, and she brought him a kilo of fresh, uncut organic catnip that she acquired off the street*. This will be awesome, I thought. The 'Puff has had a pretty dull couple of weeks, what with our apartment being HOT AS BALLS, thereby requiring him to nap more and steal foodz less, as we've discussed. This would be just the thing, I reckoned, to spice up his lazy afternoons spent mostly doing this:

Anyway, historically, the 'Puff has only dabbled in catnip use. He won't use every day or when he's alone or anything like that, just, like, at parties and with friends and stuff. So, natch, these herbaceous animal drugz were some primo unadulterated shit, nothing like the PetCo shwag Stinkypuff's accustomed to. Suffice it to say that we got to observe as he departed on a magical journey the likes of which the 'Puff had probably never experienced before:

Nice Invisible Accordion, 'Puff!

*from the Union Square farmer's market

Not a Whole Lot

2008-05-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

Lately the 'Puff has had less access to people foods and other forbidden snacks than he typically does. Graduation / birthday / nice weather season is upon us, and we've been out a ton, subsequently cooking and grocery shopping pretty infrequently.

So this week on As The 'Puff Turns, not a whole lot really goes down on the feline gastronomical front. The fluffbutt basically naps, occasionally near or on one of us, and awakens only for fitful playtimes and family-sanctioned pet food nommings. To tide you over until he steals some pancakes or chews up some mail, I present the above documentation of said napper...

Garbage, Part II

2008-05-16T06:02:00.001-07:00

Well goddamnit. You're probably wondering, how did this happen again? Why would we be so foolish as to leave out our garbage can, plain as day, in light of the 'Puff's insatiable hunger for trash? I suspect the culprit here is cleaning the house while drunk, which the BF and I have been known to do, and which may have rendered us oblivious to the inopportune location of the garbage can. That, or we were cooking something that involved heavy-duty chopping/peeling/trimming, and we pulled out the garbage can for convenience and just got careless. Please note what I've termed the "skirt of tummyfat" that droops down on the floor as he hunches down in there for maximum garbage lickins. That sounded so gross!

A Housefly

2008-05-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

Breaking: this was just phoned in to me at work by the BF, who is home sick today. The 'Puff has eated a housefly! That's right. It flew in through the screen in our window, and the 'Puff chased it, slapped it down with his paw, and nommed it on down. I am super-stoked about this development because of my embarassingly acute fear of winged insects. More details, as they emerge, this evening.

Cat Grass, Part II

2008-05-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

NOM NOM NOM

I has many grasses...

My Kitchen Garden

2008-05-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

[Edited June 5th, 2008: I'm sorry, but were you guys aware that this is not a kitteh at all, but rather a Teddy Ruxpin? That is to say, a living stuffed animal? Just sayin'.]

This bastard-cat is a real piece of work. As you all know, he's got an appetite on him, and if he's hungry he doesn't mind telling you. And by telling, and I mean caterwauling like a distressed Mogwai, sprint-waddling at high speeds across the apartment while making alarmingly toddler-like whining sounds, and biting. That's right people. He's a bona fide charmer.

We feed the animal thrice daily - once at about 7 am, once at 7 pm, and once before we go to bed, which is midnight because our lives are very, very exciting. The 'Puff knows his feeding times like clockwork, and so 6:50 am, 6:50 pm, and 11:50 pm are all some pretty rough times over here. Last night was no exception. Since the foodz were not coming quick enough for the 'Puff's liking, he turned his attention to the nearest edible items - my kitchen garden.

I've got me some tomaters, basil, thyme, cukes (pickling season is a-coming, people!), candy-striped beets, and kale growing here at the HQ, and so far I've killed many but managed to get a few to grow enough to necessitate a repotting. So, since Friday night is totes the new Monday night up here, the BF and I came home and got to it. Having learned my lesson about the 'Puff's well-documented taste for potting soil, we kept him at an arm's length as he hungrily circled our set-up. Still, he got in some good nommings on my basil plant, Luigi.

And how cute are these little beets? I just want to eat them. And I will! But not yet. They got transferred into a window box with lots of nice organic soil and beautiful local compost. Oh, and "Nature's Pruner", the 'Puff, also got in there and took a crack at the greens:

The saddest horticultural hit we took was my biggest, most lusciousest cucumber plant, which was on its way to a new home in a bigger pot when the 'Puff marched right up to it and clamped those choppers squarely down on one beautiful leaf. It survived, but may never be quite right. Here it is earlier that day, in happier times:

Veggie Paella

2008-05-07T22:28:00.000-07:00

Paella is a rice dish from Spain. According to Jeopardy! and my high school Spanish teacher, the only ingredient necessary for a paella to technically qualify as such is green peas. Who knew? Anyway, after a mostly liquid dinner with my dad at a generic Cuban place in midtown, I was left with the token vegetarian meal on the menu, a veggie paella, doggie-bagged and ready for home consumption. Also, my favorite of Cuban foodstuffs, tostones with mojo, were up in there, so that was rad. I don't much know what paella has to do with Cuban food, but that's another matter. The point here is that the 'Puff experiences a bloodlust akin to that of a shark in a feeding frenzy, except it appears to be sated by takeout rather than creatures. So, when I got home and drunkenly realized that eating can be an ok way to go, I busted out the stuff. The 'Puff was all over it like saffron on rice (da-dum!)!

As always, I kept him more or less away by kinda swatting in his general direction, or putting my hand on his head to keep him from pushing forward, tall-grade-school-bully-style. That worked out ok, except for this here close call:

I would, however, like the record to state that in spite of his dedication to taking our foodz and eating them, the 'Puff's weight has gotten down to a respectable 13 pounds - huzzah! I credit his weight loss with more playtimes with us, smaller treats, and (believe it or not) increased strictitude with the 'Puff, including the introduction of his natural enemy, the spray bottle of water. He's down from almost 14 pounds, which happened in our salad days of animal companionship, when we thought that every time his food bowl was empty we should just refill it.

Barbeque Sauce

2008-04-30T20:28:00.001-07:00

Picture this: you're cooking, gettin' your grill on, standing over the stove tending to your two-burner cast-iron grill fulla barbeque tofu. You're going to put it in a sandwich with more sauce, grilled onions, tomatoes, and organic greens, for your hungry girlfriend who just came from the gym because you are an awesome boyfriend (thank you BF!). The whole time you're doing this, something loud, soft and furry is wrapped around your ankles. Why, it's the 'Puff! His favorite thing to do while food is being prepared is plant himself between your feet, stare up at you with a look of extreme urgency, and wail and holler like a wild howler monkey. Now, I'm a new initiate to the world of crazy cat people, but apparently Siamese kittehs, like the 'Puff, are big big talkers, and our Little Dude is no exception. He probably thinks he's just like demurely asking you to, if you could, just GIVE HIM the FOODZ, and he'll be on his way. We (and our neighbors) would tend to see things differently.

Anyway, long story short, because the 'Puff gets up in our grill (pun intended!! Oh snap!!) while we cook, we routinely spill shit on him. We've spilled coffee, wine, soymilk, flour, orange juice, tofu, hot sauce, soy sauce, and now barbeque sauce on the bastard-cat, yet none this deters him in the least. It does, however, put him in a real tough spot, because on the one hand he enjoys being clean, but on the other hand, he's pumped about licking the foodz off himself.

Since I didn't have any pictures of the post-spill cleanup lickies, as it happened while I was out, here is an unrelated picture of the 'Puff doing the old french-fry stakeout:

Earth Balance

2008-04-29T05:57:00.000-07:00

I've professed my love for Earth Balance before. The condensed version is this: before you hate, take a look at some of the deliciousness that can ensue from its use. Anyway, obvy I bake with it all the time, but sometimes I just like a good old-fashioned breakfast of toast with jam and vegan butter (I refuse to call it margarine because they are totes not in the same category). I was enjoying said breakfast the other day, when the 'Puff employed one of his more sneaky tactics to steal my foodz: he jumped up on my lap whilst I was getting my grub on. Awesome, I thought, a morning snuggle and breakfast all in one shot. Multi-tasking! But, no. The 'Puff was just using me as a food-stealing launchpad:

I would have made more of an effort to come between the 'Puff and my butter knife, but there was seriously the teeniest weeniest bit of Earth Balance on that bad boy, which to me makes it even funnier that he labored over my breakfast remains, diligently searching for any traces of his favorite fat:

Lime Parts

2008-04-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

The other night, the 'Puff had a lime, and not in the hanging out in Trinidad way:

I was cooking something, and a lime rolled off the table, and onto the floor. Big mistake, lime! The 'Puff made it his mission to commit lime murder. Can you handle that paw-on-lime action? Because I am questioning my ability to do so!

Potato Rolls

2008-04-16T21:17:00.001-07:00

First off, sorry for the whole redundant one subject, two blogs thing. Look: my life is not exciting, people! Get a handle on that! Anyway, lately the 'Puff has been content with mere full-frontal masticationary assault on his actual cat food, so things have been fairly quiet on the fat bastard companion animal beat. So what do I do? I labor over a homemade baked treat, one that involves yeast and rising and punching and rolling, and leave it out, loosely wrapped in tin foil (I don't like refridgerator-y baked goods). The 'Puff won't like this, I think to myself. It doesn't involve olive oil or potting soil, and he's been so good lately. I am an idiot. Little Dude was just laying low, waiting for an opportunity to strike. The above-pictured foil-wrapped treats were gotten into overnight, with the 'Puff employing his monster choppers to rip open the seemingly secured covering.

Check out the chomp-marks on that bad boy! That was a jumbo-sized roll, too. It turns out the 'Puff doesn't like potato rolls all that much, but by gum he gave them the good old college try.

Potting Soil, Part II

2008-04-15T18:48:00.001-07:00

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

WHY DOES MY CAT HAVE FUCKING PICA?

That is all.

Technically, this is actually Part III. Part II was a little escapade that I failed to capture on film, and it featured the 'Puff sidling up to my poor man's indoor garden setup, attempting his classic paw-dippin' maneuver, before quickly escalating to not-so-invisible fisticuffs when his advances were thwarted by me batting his paw away. The bastard-cat had clearly not had enough of the sweet stuff last time and was all over it when I once again attempted to garden in my home.

Mashed Potatoes

2008-04-13T07:48:00.001-07:00

After a recent bout of entertaining, we have acquired a shitload of potatoes. And what better way to use up a shitload of taters than to mash the hell out of 'em? So that's just what we did. Actually, the BF makes awesome mashed taters, with a whole mess of garlic and vegan butter and black pepper, so these came out great. Still, we had a ton, so I started getting creative with ways to use them up, because I am like a Depression-era grandma who hates wasting food: I've mixed them up with chopped onions and spices, made 'em into pancakes and fried 'em; there's a tempeh shepard's pie in the works; and there's now an aborted potato roll attempt (I killed three-count 'em-THREE packets of yeast!) under my belt as well. However, I foolishly overlooked one of the best and most efficient ways to get rid of a big pot full of mashed potatoes: have your pig-cat bury his head in it and nom away. This resolved the excessive potatoes issue quiet neatly:

This picture was taken just post-dunk scolding. You can't really see in the picture, but, like a goat, he somehow got through the plastic wrap. Look how big his peepers are! He is such a muppet.

Fennel

2008-04-13T07:20:00.001-07:00

Fennel, aka anise, is a delicious herb that has contributed many good things to the culinary pantheon. For example, I used to think that sambuca was reserved for old ladies, or when you're thirteen and raiding your friends' parents' liquor cabinet, but homemade sambuca, with some espresso beans hanging out in it, is actually pretty badass, and that of course is brought to us by fennel. Not to mention absinthe! Fennel is also awesome shaved or sliced and tossed with a mustard-y vinagrette and grapefruit, or really any citrus action. And of course no homemade vegetarian faux snausage would be complete without fennel seeds. But I digress. The other evening we were chowing down on a tomater salad and roasted fennel when the 'Puff busted his classic food-stealing move of jumping on the table, running off with some foodz in his mouth, and repairing to the under-the-table regions for some discreet, forbidding nommings. There was a variety of food items out on the table - I was making rolls, and so his favorite thing ever, Earth Balance, was in rotation - so I was surprised to look down under the table and discover him nomming on some fennel greens:

This was a new one even for him. I love how he's all like, yeah, I'm nomming on fennel greens, what of it?

Close Call, Soy Ice Cream

2008-04-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

Ok people, I know it's not called "Stuff My 'Puff Almost Eats," but [raspy dirty grandpa voice, while elbowing you] c'mon... c'mon...

Plus, I feel that this qualifies as blog-worthy because, in our early days of 'Puff ownership, we would not have had the good sense to just pick him up and toss him off the couch, and he would then have dipped his paw INTO the ice cream carton (sadly, this habit of his has never been documented, so you'll have to just believe me when I say that it's excruciatingly adorable/gross) and then licked the ice cream off his paw before running off, leaving sticky paw-prints and hilarity to ensue, followed by disgust and Method All-Purpose Cleaner.

Pizza Sauce, Part II

2008-04-03T19:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, fine, we are so busted now. The BF and I pretty much eat pizza while sitting on the couch watching movies, like, at least once a week. We would do so less except it is awesome and enjoyable after our typically long and joyless days. Last night's movie was Knocked Up and last night's pizza was red onion, grape tomaters, orange and yellow peppers, pizza sauce, and sweet sweet cashew-tofu ricotta. Oh holy hell is that shit good! Even the cheese-lovin' BF was totally into this. I'll probably talk more about it over here, so let me just cut to the chase:

Hey you guys, whatcha got over there? 'Cause my sniffer suggests to me that maybe I should eat it? Wha? Oh. Yeah, no, that's cool, totally understand... I'll just stay over here, you know, sniffin'.

Do dah do do do, yep I'm just checkin' out yer fork over here, it's totally cas, don't sweat it, just keep, eh, watching the movie do dee do do do...

Ehhnn... just gotta... leeck your plate real quick... it's totally cool, don't worry about it... just gonna... uh... lick all the foodz off it and be on my way... if you could just not pay me any mind and just go about your business, that would just be super cool...

Oh man you guys, I am WIPED. I just eated so much human food... Seriously though, I'm just gonna nap it off now. If you could wake me up next time there's something edible around, that would be sweeeeet...

Olive Oil, Part I

2008-04-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

This is one from the archives. Olives and olive oil are probably the 'Puff's favorite human foodz. I've witnessed him licking, nay, LAPPING, it up on the down low when I had it out in a small dish while trying to make spanakopita; I've busted him leecking the olive-oily pages of a cookbook; and, pretty much anytime a dinner plate containing even a drop of the good stuff is left out, Stinkpuff will lovingly caress it with his tongue. The incident captured here involves my having left out the bottle, probably after we were dippin' bread in oil.

Cat Grass, Part I

2008-03-30T17:35:00.000-07:00

It's funny how pet parents project onto their animalz. After having some homies over on Saturday, who got to witness the 'Puff stealing a Welsh rarebit and an entire rasher, not to the mention the doughnut hole incident earlier that morning, I was a touch worried that the pig-cat might be becoming a fat bastard, or that something is perhaps missing from his diet that's causing him to go so nuts over anything edible. Plus I was feeling a little mortified by the sheer oinkiness of his ways. So, just like when I eat like a hog and then feel gross, I turned to greens for the answer.

Whilst the BF and I were yuppie-ing it up at Whole Foods, I chanced upon some cat grass, aka Oat grass, aka Dactylis glomerata, an attractive green that in this case was inanely packaged with a football-head-ed cartoon cat exclaiming that it's just like "salad for cats!" But let's face it people, what am I if not a retail-ho sucker who's easily seduced by moronic and flashy advertising? So home with us it came!

I'm not sure, but I think he enjoyed it:

Welsh rarebit

2008-03-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

Welsh rarebit, aka Welsh rabbit, is basically a cheesy, beer-y, floury, buttery sauce that you pour over toasts. From what I gather, it is a meatless dish, ironically named because most 18th-century Welsh folk could not afford actual meat, and while rabbit was the poor man's meat of England, cheese was the poor man's meat of Wales. Thanks, Wikipedia! Oh, and also, in a pinch, it makes a great treat for your pet pig-cat. I discovered this when my dear friend made rarebit and brought it to my pad this weekend. It was extremely well-received and delish-looking (I didn't nom on it because I don't kick it with dairy, but it looked lovely), and unfortunately got caught in the crosshairs of my stealthy, single-minded foodz predator:

Sorry this pic isn't more self-explanatory, but he's seriously one stealthy bastard-cat. This time he was caught in the act by my buds, and then ran off, leaving the half-nommed rarebit on floor and later creeping back to the scene of the crime for some sad, futile nibbles of rug (yeah I know, ew), almost as though his lost rarebit might be uncovered by leecking the spot long enough. Oh, oinker...

Carrot Cake Doughnut Hole

2008-03-29T06:27:00.001-07:00

Me: Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a few questions?
'Puff: [looks away, shamefully leecks chops]
Me: We received reports of a doughnut assault at this address. Upon their arrival, officers from the 28th precinct discovered a doughnut hole on the floor, with teeny tiny bite marks on it, as well as some cat hair. Any of this jog your memory, sir? Sir?

Garbage, Part I

2008-03-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

The 'Puff loves chowing down on garbage something fierce! We've been meaning to get child-proof latches for our cabinets, but it hasn't happened yet. In the meantime, we've fashioned a barricade out of a chair turned on its side, which only gets moved when we're cooking or doing something else kitchen-y. Sorry for the un-sexy fluorescent lighting - we were probably cooking, hence the mood lighting alone not cutting it. I feel like we live in the suburbs and have a raccoon problem, except it's our pet.

Pizza Sauce, Part I

2008-03-26T06:20:00.001-07:00

This fine specimen was made for dinner last night by the BF. Basically the only thing worth braving the NYU musical theater majors at Trader Joe's for is the 99-cent frozen whole wheat pizza dough. It's easy and awesome. You can use if for pizza, calzones, cinnamon rolls, the sky's the freakin' limit! This guy's made with zucchini, onion, tomato, oregano, and of course, pizza sauce. When it came out of the oven, we glopped on some weirdly meaty-tasting-yet-vegan olive bruschetta, also courtesy of TJ's, and got our grub on. Oh and then this happened:

This animal is unstoppable! We kept shooing him away, but he was tenacious, and his tenacity prevailed! I tried to get a pizza-sauce-covered-nose shot, but had to quickly relocate the oinker before he ate the napkin, too.

Pancakes

2008-03-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

Where's mah breakfast, beetch? The BF and I love makin' pancakes on the weekends. The most favoritest kind nommed on at our HQ are chocolate chip cinnamon panqueques. Also, I insist on calling them panqueques, because it's one of my top five favorite words in Spanish. The BF likes pouring about a pint of maple syrup on those bad boys, while I am a weirdo and prefer them nakey, or with some organic unsweetened apple sauce on 'em. Woe to he who gets up to answer the phone or pee - Pig-cat will stalk your breakfast like a tiny, obese hunter. In the past, he has succeeded in running off with one in his mouth, or just with leecking some, but since chocolate is bad for kittehs, same as with dogs, I am probably weilding my camera in one hand, and the patented 'Puff deterrant - a spray bottle filled with water - in the other. That thing puts the fear of God in his heart, but can't stop him from checking out the goods!

Potting Soil, Part I

2008-03-23T19:28:00.001-07:00

I swear to God you guys, the second before I took this picture, the 'Puff had his two front paws up on the chair and was totally seeing about some potting soil. Once I busted him, he got down, but that look of longing says it all. The End.

Edamame

2008-03-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

Edamame is a delicious legume that is an excellent source of complete protein for the vegetarian folk, not to mention those sweet sweet Omega-3 fatty acids. I cook with it all the time: I keep a bag of frozen, organic shelled edamame on hand and just throw a handful into soups, pastas and stir-frys and shit. I am a fan. You know who else is a fan? My bastard-cat. Behold:

I had left the above-pictured young bebeh soybeans out on the table because I am idiot, who is also poor. Spring is here, and I really want to get some house plants up in the HQ, but times are lean and supplies are scarce. Thus, I was like, what can I sprout/plant from shit lying around the house? Coriander seeds? Check. Pepitas? Too improbable to bother. Frozen edamame? What the fuck. Like I said, I was bored and in the poorhouse. It was a low-risk investment. Anyway, I thawed some of those bitches and dropped a few in water to see if they'll sprout, like so:

I'm sure this totes won't work, but I was curiosa. And then the 'Puff ate some. And then took the obligatory post-snacky nap:

Sexy update: It turns out that when shelled edamame is frozen for mass consumption, they flash-blanch it, meaning they're precooked, meaning my hare-brained scheme was in fact just that. The good news is we'll be up to our asses in cilantro in a few weeks, so if anyone's hankering for some, let me know!